Supporting Children in School with Separation Anxiety: A Play Therapist’s Perspective

By Anne-Marie O’Riordan, Play Therapist and Tutor at Portobello Institute

Supporting Children in School with Separation Anxiety: A Play Therapist’s Perspective

For many children, the transition from home to school is an exciting step toward independence and social learning. For others, however, the separation from a parent or caregiver can feel overwhelming. As students training in Therapeutic Play Skills, you will likely encounter children who struggle with separation anxiety in educational settings. Understanding how to support these children with empathy, structure, and play-based interventions is an essential part of your developing practice.

Understanding Separation Anxiety in the School Environment

Separation anxiety is a natural stage of development, particularly in younger children. However, when the anxiety becomes intense or persistent, it can interfere with a child’s ability to attend school, participate in learning, or build relationships with peers and teachers.

Children experiencing separation anxiety may present with:

- Clinging to parents at drop-off

- Tearfulness or distress when a caregiver leaves

- Complains of stomach aches or headaches before school

- Difficulty settling into classroom activities

- Repeated requests to contact or see a parent

It is important to remember that these behaviours are not manipulative or attention-seeking. They are expressions of a child’s nervous system responding to perceived threat or loss of safety.

Why School Transitions Can Feel So Big

From a therapeutic perspective, separation anxiety is often connected to a child’s sense of attachment and safety. School represents multiple transitions at once: separation from a primary caregiver, entry into a busy social environment, and expectations for independence.

For children who are temperamentally sensitive, have experienced recent changes (such as a new sibling, illness, family stress, or relocation), or who have a naturally heightened anxiety response, these transitions can feel particularly challenging.

The Role of Therapeutic Play

Play is a child’s natural language. Through play, children process experiences, express feelings, and rehearse coping strategies.

As practitioners developing Therapeutic Play Skills, your role is not to force separation but to support the child’s sense of emotional safety and regulation. Play can help bridge the emotional gap between home and school.

Here are some play-based approaches that can be helpful.

1. Create Predictable Rituals Through Play

Children with separation anxiety benefit from consistent routines. You can support this by helping the child develop a small, predictable “goodbye ritual.”

For example:

- Drawing a quick “heart” on the child’s hand and the caregiver’s hand

- A short handshake routine

- A small object placed in the child’s pocket

In therapeutic sessions, you might explore this through role-play using dolls or puppets, allowing the child to practice the goodbye in a safe and playful way.

2. Use Symbolic Play to Explore Feelings

Children may not have the words to explain their anxiety, but their play often reveals their internal experience.

In the playroom or therapeutic setting, you might notice themes such as:

- Characters being lost or searching for someone

- Repeated departures and reunions

- Protective figures keeping others safe

Rather than directing the play, the therapist’s role is to observe, reflect, and validate the emotional content. Statements such as:

"It looks like the little bear feels worried when the mummy bear goes away."

This helps children feel seen and understood while allowing them to process their fears indirectly.

3. Build a Bridge Between Home and School

Sometimes children need a transitional connection between their caregiver and the school environment.

This might include:

- A small photo in the child’s bag

- A “love note” from home

- A transitional object such as a small toy or keyring

Within therapeutic play sessions, children may create or decorate these objects themselves, which can increase their sense of ownership and comfort.

4. Strengthen Emotional Regulation Through Play

Anxiety is not just cognitive - it is physiological. Play-based activities that support regulation can help children manage the body sensations that come with separation anxiety.

Helpful activities may include:

- Sand tray play

- Sensory play with clay, kinetic sand, or water

- Breathing games (blowing bubbles, feather races, pinwheels)

- Movement-based play

These experiences support nervous system regulation while allowing emotional expression.

5. Collaborate with Parents and Teachers

Supporting a child with separation anxiety works best when home and school communicate consistently.

Students training in Therapeutic Play Skills should be aware of the importance of:

- Providing caregivers with reassurance and psycho-education

- Encouraging calm, confident goodbyes rather than prolonged departures

- Working with teachers to maintain predictable classroom routines

- Celebrating small steps toward independence

Consistency across environments helps children internalise a sense of safety.

A Final Reflection for Students

When working with children experiencing separation anxiety, it is easy to focus on the behaviour we see at the classroom door. Yet beneath the tears is a child navigating big feelings about safety, attachment, and change.

Your role as a developing play practitioner is not to rush the child through the anxiety but to walk alongside them, offering safety, curiosity, and opportunities for expression through play.

With patience, attunement, and creative play interventions, many children gradually build the confidence they need to step into the school day with greater ease.

And sometimes, the most powerful intervention is simply this: being a calm, regulated adult who understands that behind every anxious goodbye is a child who is doing their very best.

If you are beginning your journey in Therapeutic Play Skills, remember that developing your ability to observe, reflect, and attune is just as important as learning specific techniques. The playroom is where children tell their stories - and where we learn how to listen.

A Note on the Author

Anne-Marie O’Riordan is a qualified play therapist, experienced practitioner, and tutor at Portobello Institute, where she shares her expertise with students on the Therapeutic Play Skills course. With a career dedicated to supporting children’s emotional wellbeing, she brings both clinical expertise and real-world insight to her teaching.

Anne-Marie holds a Postgraduate Higher Diploma in Play Therapy from NUI Galway in collaboration with Play Therapy Ireland and is also a certified Circle of Security Therapeutic Parenting facilitator. She is the founder of Play Therapy Wicklow, a well-established practice that has grown into a team of therapists supporting children, young people, and families across a range of needs.

Alongside her clinical work, Anne-Marie is passionate about educating and mentoring those entering the field. At Portobello Institute, she supports students in developing practical, play-based skills grounded in real-life practice, helping them build the confidence to work effectively with children and families.

If you are interested in studying Therapeutic Play Skills, visit our course page here.