Supporting Young Children Through Grief in Early Years Settings

Grief is a deeply personal and often complex experience, particularly for young children who may not yet have the language to explain what they are feeling.

In early years settings, practitioners are often among the first to notice when a child is struggling to process the enormity of their loss.

A change in behaviour, a shift in mood, or a quiet withdrawal can be early signs that a child is struggling with the death of a loved one. 

Responding in a way that is sensitive, confident and caring is essential, but it can also feel daunting. 

This article draws on the expertise of Aoife Gallagher, a Research Supervisor at Portobello Institute and PhD candidate, whose doctoral work focuses on grief and loss in early childhood education.

The conversation is led by Liza O’Grady, our Student Wellbeing Lead, who brings her own research on childhood experiences of parental bereavement into the discussion.

Together, they offer grounded, compassionate and culturally aware guidance for anyone working with young children through the most difficult of times.

Understanding How Children Experience Grief 

Aoife outlines how bereavement is sadly a common experience in early childhood, and the way children are supported at the time of their loss can have a profound impact on their emotional development and long-term wellbeing.

Early years settings can play a particularly meaningful role, as children often spend much of their day in the care of practitioners who may become that “one good adult” they can rely on when life feels confusing or overwhelming. 

How children express grief varies widely.

While some may withdraw or become unusually quiet, others might show regression in familiar routines such as sleep, eating or toileting.

Physical symptoms such as headaches or sore tummies are also common, as are intense emotional responses like sadness, anxiety, fear or anger.

These reactions, Aoife explains, are not signs of misbehaviour, but rather indicators that a child is trying to navigate feelings that are unfamiliar and difficult to articulate. 

Challenges for Practitioners 

For practitioners, one of the biggest challenges is the fear of saying the wrong thing or causing additional distress.

Many report feeling underprepared due to a lack of formal training in bereavement support, or unsure about what is developmentally appropriate for very young children.

Busy schedules can also make it feel difficult to give the necessary time and attention.

Yet, Aoife emphasises that support need not be complicated.

Often, it is the simple gestures, a warm smile, an unhurried moment of connection, a reassuring presence, that make the greatest difference. 

Supporting Children with Sensitivity and Honesty 

Maintaining a predictable routine can help provide the sense of safety that grieving children need, though flexibility is equally important.

When a child is struggling, creating a calm, welcoming space where they can take time out can be hugely supportive.

Honest, gentle language is essential.

Euphemisms such as “gone to sleep” can cause confusion or even fear, so using clear words like “died” in a soft, compassionate manner helps children to understand what has happened.

Answering their questions - simply, truthfully and at their level - helps them make sense of a world that may feel suddenly uncertain. 

Working in Partnership with Families 

Partnership with families is central to effective support.

Each family will have their own preferences around how their child’s questions should be answered and what language feels right.

Open, compassionate communication ensures that practitioners can support the child in a way that aligns with the family’s wishes.

It is also important to remember that families are grieving too; they may need reassurance, space or simply to know that their child is held in caring hands when they cannot be with them. 

Cultural Sensitivity 

Cultural awareness plays an important part as well.

Ireland is now a multicultural and diverse society, with families holding a wide range of beliefs, values and traditions around death and mourning.

Aoife highlights the importance of acknowledging and respecting these differences, ensuring that each family’s cultural and religious practices are understood and integrated into the support offered. 

Harnessing the Power of Play 

Play remains one of the most powerful ways for children to process difficult experiences.

Role play and puppetry allow children to explore feelings at a safe distance, while art and craft activities provide opportunities for expression when words are not yet available.

Music can help soothe and regulate emotions, offering moments of calm when everything feels unfamiliar.

Memory-making activities, such as creating boxes, cards or drawings, can also help children maintain a sense of connection to the person who has died. 

There is a wealth of support available from bereavement organisations across Ireland, offering guidance, resources and practical tools for early years professionals.

Drawing on these supports can give practitioners greater confidence and ensure that they are not navigating these complex situations alone. 

Supporting the Supporter 

Supporting a grieving child can also be emotionally challenging for practitioners themselves.

It may stir up personal memories or highlight unhealed parts of their own journeys with loss. 

Aoife emphasises the importance of staff supporting one another, seeking supervision where needed, and taking care of their own wellbeing.

Practitioners cannot offer emotional safety to children if they are overwhelmed themselves. 

A Gentle Reminder 

If there is one message Aoife hopes practitioners will hold onto, it is that they do not need to have all the answers.

Children benefit most from adults who are present, patient and willing to listen.

As Aoife often reminds early years educators, “It is the simple things.”

Kindness, consistency and honesty form the foundation of effective support.

And when additional help is needed, reaching out to specialised services is both appropriate and important. 

Practitioners can draw on the many online specialist support organisations that provide an excellent array of information and resources for supporting the bereaved child including, The Irish Childhood Bereavement Network, The Children’s Grief Centre, Barnardos, Rainbows Ireland, and Jacinta’s Smile. 

Finally, in the words of The Irish Childhood Bereavement Network:

“Listen with your eyes, your ears and your heart.” 

This approach, based on empathy and human connection, is at the core of supporting children through grief one moment, one conversation, and one gentle gesture at a time. 

In early years settings, these simple yet powerful actions can make all the difference to a child navigating the hardest of life’s experiences.

Find Out More

If you are interested in learning more about early years at Portobello Institute, visit our faculty here.